Happy Independence Day to all of those across the good ol' U.S. of A. And to our neighbors to the north, a belated Happy Canada Day, which was July 1st.
Not a good week in the U. K., I can imagine. Both of their former major colonies here in the New World celebrating independence from British rule. Or maybe the Brits are celebrating as well in that they are rid of all the headaches and problems that are going on here in the North American continent. The question on everyone's mind is: Do they have a 4th of July in Great Britain? Well, of course silly. They just don't celebrate Independence Day.
Quick one this week as I'm off the the Great White North again. Taking Kid#1 the wedding of a college friend up near the Twin Cities of Minnesota.
>A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male / female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his
point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this - When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better - your ear or your finger?"
And now a chance to make fun o f the British...
Elton John and George Michael were standing on Circular Quay looking out over the harbor.
George pointed to a ferry and asked, "Elton, what's that?"
"That's a ferry-boat, George my love," answered Elton.
"Oooh!" Squealed George, "I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we had our own navy!"
And our ever-vigilant team of cracked researchers here at the
Shellman
Headquarters for
Intellectual
Thinking have been hardly at work again bringing you their best in obscure findings. The results of their labor is as follows"
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION:
They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION:
They're tiny men in little fur coats
Have a great weekend. See you on the other side.
