Well shoot (or a word similar), is it Friday already? This week went fast. Next week will go a lot faster as there is a whole lotta shaking going on (sorry, thought I was Jerry Lee Lewis for a second). Got company coming at multiple times next week. Have to got to the airport to pick someone up (just hope I can get through the construction. The local summer festival starts on Thursday. I'm going to go to see a Beatles tribute band called "American English." the online university for which I work is having an outing at the local theme park. And finally, my last work-related trip to NIU. End of the fiscal year and my contract.
A veterinary surgeon had been busy all day tending to one emergency after the next. Luckily for him, when he finally got home from tending to all these sick animals, his wife was waiting with the martini pitcher and a cozy candle-lit dinner.
After dinner, the couple had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 AM, the phone rang.
"Is this the vet?" asked an elderly lady's voice.
"Yes, it is," replied the vet. "Is this an emergency?"
"Well, sort of," said the elderly lady. "There's a whole bunch of cats up on the roof making a terrible noise mating and I can't get to sleep. What can I do to get them to stop?"
The vet patiently replied, "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone."
"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"
"It ought to," said the vet, "it stopped me!"
I've been enjoying the nice weather here. Rode my bike to the fitness center the past few times, just a short 2 mile trip one way. Took another bike ride yesterday, first thing in the morning. I've been using the recumbent bicycle machine in the fitness center, but it is not the same as the real thing. My knees are burning going up hills.
I even moved my "office" out side to the deck. Get a long enough extension cord and you can plug in the power supply for the old' laptop. Got a few things done while enjoying the sunshine. Needed to write a couple of letters and put the finishing touches on a form. Get those already to submit so the powers-to-be can review them and put their seal of approval on my request.
Next week wraps up another session of teaching online. My brain need a rest. Teaching 3 courses with the grading and constant e-mails that need my attention wore me down this time around. I did tell the higher-ups that I only wanted to teach 2 courses for the next couple of 5 1/2 week sessions. Maybe then I can do some of my academic stuff.
A judge asked a defendant to please stand.
"You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in the audience a man shouted,
"Lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!", the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"Tightwad!", blurted the man again.
"Quiet!", yelled the judge who continued, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge thundered back,
"If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"
So the man answered, "I've lived next to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"
And from our sports desk... Here's a partial score: Hawaii 5 - 0.
The next 2 weekends are the preview of the this year's World Series. Yup, the "Crosstown Classic" - The Chicago Cubs vs. the White Sox. This weekend they are in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. Next weekend the games will be played at
Sell-your-Soul, I meas U. S. Cellular Field. My dad was a life-long Sox fan. I followed the team in the early 60's. After I got out of college, I started watching the Cubs. The cable companies where I lived at the time had station WGN (an independent) on their system. Guess who has been broad casting the Cubs for 60 years?
Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home after a most satisfying day at work tending the boundary fences on Roy's large spread. About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed a cloud of dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate.
As he approached, he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry soldiers led by Major Ted. As he came up to the column of troops Major Ted called, "Whoa!" and addressed the famous cowboy.
"Good evening, Mr Rogers," he said.
"Good evening, Major," replied Roy Rogers.
"Are you' heading home, Sir?" asked the Major.
"I am indeed, yessir, I'm looking forward to a real meal."
"Just before you go, Mr Rogers, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."
"Like what, Major?"
"Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your homestead."
"My God! I'd better get over there right away!"
"Just a minute Roy, there's more. There's not much left of your house I'm afraid"
"That's terrible, I've got to get home to my family"
"Hold on Roy, there's more. I'm afraid they scalped your five children and appear to have raped the girls beforehand."
"Those savages!! I've got to get home to my wife, she must be beside herself with grief!"
"Sorry Roy, but there's more. They also raped your wife and mother before killing them. All the cattle are gone and they put an arrow through your dog, Bullet. Most of the house is burned to the ground and they put poison in your water supply."
"Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life! But still, I'd better get over there and see if there's anything at all I can do"
"Hold on, Roy - there's just one more thing . . ."
"Yes Major?"
"Before you go. How's about a little song for the boys?"
Well, Happy Trails to you, until we meet again. I'm going to ride off into the sunset.
See you on the other side.
